i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize