Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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