this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
