dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
