they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
