I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
