My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
