To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
