3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
