as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
