i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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