some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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