I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
