Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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