I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
