So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
