i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
