Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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