don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up under a house in Key West
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
