I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just had sex bonerless
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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