people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
