that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
