I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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