I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
