M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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