Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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