god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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