who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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