Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
