I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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