honey bunches of taint.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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