you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
