I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
