i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
