I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
