that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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