I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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