There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
