ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
