whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
