Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
