I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
