my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
