you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
