Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
