Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
