So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
