I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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