Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In other news, I just burned my penis
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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