3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
