I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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