Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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