It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
