I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
