I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
