Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
