I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
