your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I cannot find my penis.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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