Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
