My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is my gift to your gina
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
