watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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