tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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