Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
