You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
