so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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