I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
