remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize